1. Miss lectures. All kinds of useful explanations are given in lectures, so not being there will help me NOT to understand a lot. I’ll also miss the answers to questions asked by other students about things I didn’t even know I didn’t understand.
2. Miss practical classes, or at least waste so much time that I don’t finish. Completion of all pracs if a compulsory unit requirement – so if I do not do so I automatically.
3. Don’t prepare for a prac. Class. Not knowing what I am doing really helps me to stuff the experiment. Not doing a flow diagram – or copying someone else’s – is a sure fire way to do this.
4. Leave all assignments to the last minute. That way I don’t do a good job and I don’t learn anything either.
5. Work in assignments with other people. That way I only do a fraction of the work myself, so I can only learn a fraction of the material.
6. Hand in everything late. The penalty for lateness is -10% per day. Better still, don’t hand in assignments or prac. reports at all. Since completing each assessment task is again a compulsory unit requirement, not handing something in makes it so easy to fail.
7. Ask questions only of people repeating the unit. The fact that they are repeating means that they know little, so it is highly unlikely that they will know the correct answer.
8. Don’t ask Robyn or any of the demonstrators any questions because they might know the answers and might actually help me to learn.
9. Don’t go over lecture notes after the lecture. That way I won’t realise I don’t understand so I will be totally lost in the next lecture.
10. Leave studying to the last minute. In this unit, the latter topics rely on understanding the earlier ones. If I do not work consistently from the beginning of semester, I won’t able to cram successfully at the last minute, and so will certainly fail the final exam.
So I am enthusiastically welcomed by this encouragement stuffed turkey of a message on the first day of my spring session semester. This topic eventually was going to be written but the organic chemistry lecturer beat me to it.
And you thought lecturers had no sense of humour..
Welcome to life in university.